Saturday, November 13, 2010

reciprocity.

This came on in the car last time I drove through north Jersey, and I remembered how much I used to love it. And then I forgot again. So here it is:

Friday, November 12, 2010

nostra.

Going through some old family photos recently. Found some real gems:

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My very favorite picture of me and my mother.

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My uncles playing cops and robbers circa 1960something.

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Jane and Gene, my grandparents, 1955. I found out last year that Gene had a wooden leg and played the banjo. Awesome.

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Some field in New Jersey that probably doesn't exist anymore.

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My mom, 1979. Hot tamale. Those shoes are now a part of my collection though I don't dare to wear them for fear they'll fall apart on me.

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Me and my best dude way back before he learned to walk.

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Me, age 9, Batsto park. If I had to choose a picture that captured my essence, this would be it.

The next three are pictures of my monkey, my niece Genevieve. I think she was 2, and I was trying to get her to show me what was in her mouth.
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Me and my pop, Christmas 1985.

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Best picture ever, 1987.

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Me, during a road trip up the east coast, 2004.

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Two fucking cute kids, 1988.

speak up, speak up, speak up.



So, I decided to go see them last night, and I'm glad I did. The show was really great. I will not lament the loss of my youth here, though I will say I was definitely well above the median age. The church is byob, and I was drinking scotch out of my flask while the kids around me were sneaking sips of some pink concoction out of a water bottle they were hiding in their messenger bag. Chris Chu, all 120 lbs of him, had all the young girls swooning. I'm not going to lie, he was surprisingly charming and sexy. Sometimes skinny and awkward works for dudes (ie every single one of my ex boyfriends. I don't get it; how do they do it?) Anyhow, they played this unreleased song, "Virgins," for their encore, and it was really beautiful. I danced and sang and had a really lovely time.

Ok, I was on a date last week and tore a hole in my favorite jeans. Bad omen? I hope not. I am on a mission to replace them today. I am also on the hunt for an awesome vintage suitcase. And need to pick up some odds and ends like permanent markers, picture frames, wine, birthday cards etc etc. Off I go.

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

pumpkin pie.

A few weeks ago, I bought a ticket to go see Morning Benders tonight, but I'm feeling like all I really want to do is make myself a drink, put a movie on, and finish Mika's present. Maybe I'll feel differently in a few hours.

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

guts.

I like to put Sunrise Earth on the tv in the kitchen while I make breakfast. Really, it's my favorite way to start the day. I also love my roommate who is so gay (like, legit homo, not like "omg ur so gay") and listens to the most ridiculous techno music while he cleans his bathroom.

I am going to see my best friend in Ohio next week. I found out today that she has to work everyday that I am there. 500 miles there and 500 miles back for three nights. That is love. I am in the process of stitching her a little housewarming present. Pictures to come upon completion, I promise. I learned to knit and stitch and sew at a very young age; my mom is very crafty. And for a while, starting in my late teens, I was really into mixed media art projects, collages, paper crafts. But I've been really inspired to paint lately, and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I don't really know how. Perhaps it's lack of imagination on my part. I've been thinking about signing up for a painting class at an arts center in town or maybe trying to find one in the city.

Sometimes I feel like the only way I am going to find a good guy is by process of elimination, and I feel like I've been making my way through them rather quickly lately. My little brother gave me the best advice last night, the kind that I would give to other people but am too blind to take myself. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Just be honest. That's it and that's all. Whatever you're feeling let him know, but be sure of your feelings first. Your feelings are a part of you, and if he can't appreciate your feelings then I expect you and him aren't right for each other." I fully understand that I'm a little bit nuts. That is to say I feel things more intensely than a lot of people (ie passion, which I've heard people say is an admirable quality), and, rather than bottling my feelings up like every other person on the face of the earth, I believe in letting them flow freely, and this is, by no exaggeration, utterly frightening for some men. (Seriously, I've met so many of them this past year that I've lost count.) But, you know what, fuck 'em. The path they're on leads them not to happiness, but to some sad girl with so little self-worth that she's willing to make due with the meager emotional sustenance they're willing to spare. And I am not that girl by any stretch.

But then again, maybe he's wrong. Maybe the crazy's in the blood.

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