I came to a frightening realization today: The rest of the world does not love me nearly as much as I think they ought to. The past year or more has just been one imagined connection with some harmless idiot that had too much to drink after another. It was like a knife in my heart reading those words from you. I'm being melodramatic. It was unpleasant. You have your reasons, I understand. Mika and I used to joke that I was undefeated. Well, my reign is officially over. (Two separate trains of thought. Two different harmless idiots. You get it.) In all fairness, my delusions of grandeur are fueled by her love for me. She said "Fuck him, he's a fool. Nobody ever isn't attracted to you." Best friend ever.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Last week was so so strange. Way up and way down. Not really sure where I'm at right now. Feeling emotionally defunct. In need of a confidant, but the usual suspects are all preoccupied. We've all got our own shit. Meanwhile, I feel like I am growing old against my own will and my maturity and my sense of responsibility are seriously lagging behind. I am trying hard. I keep putting myself out there in every direction, but most of the time, I feel just like a mouse on a wheel. I'm running and running and running and getting nowhere.
at 9:58 AM